Imagine you are a doctor.

You have a patient who looks healthy. Their vitals seem fine. But instead of asking them how they are feeling today, you wait until they are dead.

Then, you conduct an autopsy to find out what killed them.

This sounds absurd. Yet, this is exactly how most companies handle employee retention. We wait until the resignation letter hits the desk. Then, we schedule an Exit Interview.

We ask: “Why are you leaving?” “What could we have done better?” “Where did we fail you?”

The answers might be interesting, but they are useless. The patient is gone. The institutional knowledge is walking out the door. The cost of replacement has already been incurred.

We need to shift from autopsy to preventative medicine.

We need to stop asking people why they left and start asking them why they stay.

This is the concept of the Stay Interview. It is a simple, high-impact conversation that can save you tens of thousands of dollars in turnover costs and save your sanity as a manager.

The Biology of the Silent Drift

Employees do not quit overnight. It is a slow, biological drift.

It starts with a small frustration. A missed promotion. A rude comment from a colleague. A tool that doesn’t work. These are micro-stressors.

Over time, these micro-stressors accumulate. The brain’s dopamine reward system starts to disengage from the work. The employee starts looking at LinkedIn, not to apply, but just to see what is out there.

They are physically present but psychologically drifting.

As a manager, you often miss this drift because you are busy. You assume that silence equals satisfaction. You assume that if there was a problem, they would tell you.

This is a dangerous assumption.

Most employees are conflict-avoidant. They will suffer in silence until the pain becomes too great, and then they will leave. The Stay Interview is your tool to break that silence before the drift becomes a departure.

The Setup: Lowering the Stakes

A Stay Interview is not a performance review. It is not a salary negotiation. It is a curiosity conversation.

If you spring it on them without context, they might panic. “Am I in trouble? Is the company in trouble?”

You need to frame it carefully.

“Hey Sarah, I want to schedule a 30-minute chat next week. It’s not a review. I just want to understand what keeps you here and what might tempt you to leave. I want to make sure we are doing everything we can to keep you engaged.”

This framing does two things. First, it flatters them. It says “You are valuable.” Second, it signals safety. It says “I want to listen, not judge.”

The Core Questions

Once you are in the room (or on the Zoom), you need to ask specific, probing questions. Do not ask “How is it going?” That gets a generic answer.

Ask these:

1. The Anchor Question “When you travel to work (or log in) each morning, what is the one thing you look forward to most?” This identifies their primary motivator. Is it the team? The creative work? The clients? This is their anchor. You need to protect this at all costs.

2. The Kryptonite Question “What is the one thing that frustrates you the most or makes you dread the day?” This identifies the friction. Maybe it is a specific meeting. Maybe it is a slow computer. Maybe it is a difficult coworker. Often, these are small things you can fix instantly.

3. The Poacher Question “If you were to leave us tomorrow, what would be the reason?” This is scary to ask. But you need to know. Would it be for money? For a better title? For remote work? This reveals their unmet needs.

4. The Recognition Question “How do you like to be recognized? Do you feel your work is seen?” Some people want public applause. Others want a quiet email. Many employees leave simply because they feel invisible.

The Art of Listening (and Not Defending)

The hardest part of the Stay Interview is your reaction.

When they tell you that your meetings are a waste of time, or that they feel underpaid, your instinct will be to defend. You will want to explain the budget constraints. You will want to justify the meeting cadence.

Stop.

If you defend, you kill the trust. You turn the interview into a debate.

Your job is to be a journalist. You are there to collect data.

When they share a hard truth, say: “Thank you for telling me that. I didn’t realize that was impacting you.”

Validate their experience. Write it down. Show them that their words have weight.

The Action Plan

A Stay Interview without follow-up is worse than no interview at all.

If you uncover a problem and then do nothing, you have confirmed their suspicion that you don’t care.

You don’t have to fix everything overnight. But you have to fix something.

If they say their laptop is slow, buy them a new one. That is a cheap way to buy loyalty. If they say they want to learn a new skill, buy them a course.

For the bigger issues, like salary or career path, be honest about the timeline. “I hear you on the salary. I can’t change it this month, but let’s set a goal for the next review cycle.”

Close the loop. A week later, send an email. “Based on our chat, here are the three things I am working on.”

This proves that the conversation wasn’t just theater.

Who to Interview (and When)

You cannot do this with everyone all the time. It is exhausting.

Focus on your high performers. The people you cannot afford to lose. The people who carry the culture.

Conduct these interviews twice a year. Ideally, separate them from the annual review by six months.

Also, trigger a Stay Interview during moments of transition. If a close friend of theirs just quit, do a Stay Interview. If you just went through a reorganization, do a Stay Interview.

Catch the drift when it starts.

The Re-Recruitment Effect

The most powerful outcome of the Stay Interview is not the data. It is the feeling.

When you sit down with a high performer and ask them what you can do to keep them, you are re-recruiting them.

You are telling them: “I see you. I value you. I am willing to fight for you.”

In a world where most employees feel like a number on a spreadsheet, this level of personalized attention is rare. It builds a moat around your talent.

Headhunters will call them. Competitors will pitch them.

But if they know that their current boss actually cares about their happiness and is actively removing obstacles from their path, they are much less likely to pick up the phone.

Stop guessing why your people stay.

Stop waiting to find out why they leave.

Ask them today.